Go, and bloom where you are planted.
There's only one problem I have when it comes to being single: the apathy.
It often seems like the topic of being single is overlooked or bypassed, like we are just supposed to slide right through this season of our lives. And sadly, this is the apathetic response from those around us that seems to make us single people less passionate about our current season.
I get that we (most of us) are called to be married and we are called to do greater things with our helpmate (whoever we marry). So I get why pastors, leaders and older married couples in the church talk about marriage and praying for your future spouse. But, what I have a problem with is when that’s all we (us singles) hear. PSA: We don’t always want to talk about dating “the Christian way”, praying for our future spouse, preparing ourselves while were single" etc.
What I want to know is what else am I supposed to do when I’m single? How do I find the courage and the patience to walk out this season of my life; right here, right now? Is there something I am supposed to be doing in conjunction with preparation for marriage?
I once read somewhere that often times when were still single yet to be married, there is something – a specific assignment – that God has us on. This is an assignment that needs to be and can only be fulfilled in our season of being single. Imagine what blessings we block when we “bypass” this season and never complete that assignment because we were too focused on meeting our future spouse.
What I’ve learned in being single is that this is not a place we want to detour from, but to really soak up in this season. Take up space in this journey to find out who you are, live out your identity as a whole, complete person (a part from your future spouse) and complete the task God called you to do. Being single, yes has a lot of challenges and many lonely days, but it also holds so much value, purpose and quite frankly, can be a lot of fun.
Being single has also taught me more about strength and dignity in being a human simply found and loved by God; period. This is the kind of strength I want to bring to my future husband and the kind of strength my future children can learn from. Not in being a woman, waiting to find herself in her future man. Honestly, I don’t think this kind of character can be developed when a woman is unsure of herself. The last thing you want to do is rush yourself into any kind of relationship by thinking that when you finally marry this person you will find the confidence and security you’ve been hoping for.
Imagine a beautiful flower, the most beautiful one you've ever seen. Now imagine YOU are that flower, except you have only half bloomed. Do you know what happens to a flower when they are uprooted from their soil a little too soon? They become damaged and parts can be broken. Yes, an uprooted plant can be replanted, healed and brought to life again. But, what is that process worth if we can just let that flower bloom where it is planted before removing it out of the soil it thrives on.
My goodness, there have been far too many times that I allowed myself to be uprooted prematurely only to find myself repeatedly broken hearted, praying so desperately for God to bring me back to life all over again. If I can share one solid piece of advice with you, it would be not to rush this time of your life nor take a moment for granted. You are right where you need to be in order to blossom and live a beautiful life. Your helpmate will come in God's perfect timing; I promise. Although I have not met mine yet, I know this is true because we serve a good Father and whatever our heart truly desires He does not withhold.
If being single has been hard for you, I encourage you to pause for a moment, put your gear in park and remap the path you’ve been trying to speed through. Singleness is one of the most beautiful gifts to be had and for the majority of us, it won’t last forever. Ask God to give you direction and purpose during this season so that you are no longer just passing on through. Ask Him to fill you up with His goodness so that you begin to find joy and peace where you once felt lonely and insecure.
Do the things that you dream of doing NOW. Do the things that scare you. Find the beauty in singleness. Don’t skip over it. Embrace every part – the difficulties, the joy, the thrill. Give yourself time to grow and learn in new ways (I mean seriously, imagine the kind of awesome stories you’ll be able to tell your future partner when the singleness is all over). Be adventurous. Be brave. Create the best kind of memories with your friends and be selfish with your just-me-and-Jesus time.
We don't have to forget about our preparation for marriage, but for heaven’s sake dear friend, right here, right now, go and bloom where you are planted!
All my love,